An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in.
After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, "Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night."
The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning."
The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try.
When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face.
As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet.
Seeing her he screamed, "What the hell are you doing in here?!"
"Quiet!", she exclaimed. "You'll wake my mother."

A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive.
The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!."
"No worries," replies the clerk.
"We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs."
"Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent.
With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen.
In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen.
She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing?" she asks.
"Well," says the husband. "If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants,and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.
She then asked him, "How does that feel?"
To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

Letidlo nesijt pilot i tri pasazxiris: Gxorgx Busx, mlodju turist i starju sviasxnik. Nagluo pilot oglosijt: "Imame vazxnju problem. Nasx letidlo bu avarit. Mi es cxtir no imame tolk tri parasxutis. Moi vozduh-lina platil mnoguo dengi dla moi trenirenie, ja berijm pervju parasxut. Do videnie." I pilot dol-skacxijt s pervju parasxut.
Gxorgx Busx skazajt: "Ja es nai-znacxju cxlovek Amerikuf. Ja berijm dvaju parasxut." I Gxorgx Busx skacxijt.
Starju sviasxnik gvorijt mlodju turist: "Ja es starju, ja es blizuo Bozx. Ti es mlodju, ti esxte ne znajsx zxizn. Ti berij posledju parasxut!"
Mlodju turist otvetijt: "To ne es potrebju. Nai-znacxju muzx Amerikuf pred moment dol-skacxil so moi ranec…"

http://www.slovio.com/

I heard of this. Rubbish from a Slovenian point of view.

Please post jokes in English next time.

Watch this video with KM1.6 because of the new video tag:
http://tinyogg.com/watch/7Xrz9/
Thanks Matt for commenting about that great site.

Over the past weeks I got numerous e-mails regarding devs not working enough on 1.6 version. So, Dorian send me proof that he and the other devs have a personal life also, which sometimes has advantage over work on Kmeleon.

So here it is:

In the middle there is Dorian, the other two are his left and right arms:



Dorian's proof:

http://www.2shared.com/file/11944855/65c4b872/zvit.html



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/08/2010 08:43AM by panzer.

When my friends were getting married, some old ladies always teased me:"You're next!"

They stopped doing this only after the funeral of my neighbor when I went to them and said:"You're next!"

[/quote]

"How fast" is a record on 100 meters (running) for people from Montenegro?

68 meters.





Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/17/2010 05:02PM by panzer.

No Speakah De English

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come.
Den two ass es come together.
I come once-a-more!
Two ass es, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.”

The lady can't take this any more, “You foul-mouthed se x obsessed pig,” she retorted indignantly! “In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our se x lives!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin' abouta se x? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!"

Super heroes:

How did they end up:










Bella (Beauty and the beast)






Sleeping beauty


Yasmin (Alladin)


Little siren

http://wtf.thebizzare.com/featured-articles/hand-painted-movie-posters-from-ghana/

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor

Parental guidance adviced:

"Greeks invented sex. But we tought them how to make sex with WOMEN." (Macedonian joke)

Quote
bellgamin
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor

One woman, two women, three women, sexual disease.

Human, angel, Desga2, Guenter, Disrupted, god, devs, Dorian.

What is the difference between these two events: when scientist saw first pictures from Hubble telescope and when Disrupted first met Dorian?

There isn't any. Both said: "I have seen the face of God."





Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 04/16/2010 08:27AM by panzer.